When my second child was born I realized I was in for trouble. Not just because she was incredibly hard but because I realized I didn't like being a mother. My friends would say, "I love being a mother." And in my head I would shout, "Liar, you can't trick me, I am a mother and it's hard work and it sucks and it's not fulfilling and you're dumb." I am not quite sure what changed in me; maybe it was all the praying. It wasn't that my children grew easier or that I found more time to myself. Actually both of those things got worse and worse the more children I had. But my attitude began to change...... I used to stare at the clock anticipating the strike of eight. At which time I would rush them into bed so that I might have a moment to myself before the awfulness would start all over the next day. But then, and I am not sure why, I started reading to them and singing with them and looking at bed time as sacred mother/child time - time that I became grateful for. I began kneeling and looking at them in the eye when they spoke, really listening to them instead of just blankly nodding and responding generically. I began looking at my role as a mother as a gift, a blessing instead of a chore or my job.
I can't express enough how grateful I am that I enjoy being a mother. I know it's super hard; that hasn't changed at all. But my feelings towards them have, and in that I count myself blessed. Blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother, to enjoy it and to continually have the desire to be better at it.